AK-49

A foolproof gift guide

 It’s this time of the year again and your favourite post is back: the annual gift guide to properly celebrate the royal birthday and please your queen. Here in time to save you from unfortunate faux pas and relieve you from the stress of a queen-appropriate gift.

The following list is by no means exhaustive but it is an accurate indicator of what constitutes a successful regal gift (it probably resonates with other women too).

Feel free to improvise as long as the list remains a point of reference. There is something for every budget but, as always, I urge you not to be afraid of splurging.

Note: Since I am rapidly approaching senility, I decided to go a little wild with the choices. If not now when?

FASHION GIFTS

I have been less materialistic in the past years, which means my wardrobe could do with an update. Plus I keep forgetting my things all over the place, never to be seen again. Still, there is not much I desire.

queen-of-stuff-fashion.jpg

Welcome items include
:

  • A tracksuit. The classic concept in modernised fit, in light grey. Like this one
  • The perfect white shirt. I have misplaced the one I had (& I haven’t sourced a reference link because it is boring)
  • Faux leather leggings. These are perfect.
  • An All Saints gift card
  • Yes, the price is hideous but this bag must have been made with me in mind.

SEPARATE CATEGORY: DRESSES
In my line of work you cannot have too many. For convenience, let’s just focus on DVF dresses though:

BEAUTY GIFTS

Bored of giving it a lot of thought? Just stick with this group and believe me when I say enough is never enough. Plus, it is almost impossible to go wrong.

queen-of-stuff-beauty.jpg

On with it:

  • Mascaras. I would like to try this one, this one and this one. And this one is always safe. Or something you know works wonders?
  • A new make-up for daily use. This?
  • And a new one for evening use. This
  • Concealers. Something that can conceal lack of sleep, indulgence in harmful substances and genetic disposition to under-eye circles. This one, this one & this one probably do
  • Lip liners. This one suggested by TBN sounds like a winner.
  • I am still looking for a new perfume. Last year’s experiments didn’t pay out. Looking for something preferably not mainstream, that can alert you I am coming from a block away. This is always a good idea
  • body oil that smells good. This one
  • Hair oils
  • A good retinol, maybe this one
  • And Luna 
  • Beauty gadgets of all kinds very welcome
  • A non-evasive facial that will erase a decade from my face would be much appreciated (I am pretty sure something like this exists – find it)

I am also open to things you may have heard of / tried and positively tested.

ART GIFTS

queen-of-stuff-art-gifts-2.jpg

You know the score: I will accept art if you are the artist creating it. Otherwise avoid the category except in the case of:

TECH GIFTS

This category offers little excitement. Yet the few items it features are always essentials; of sorts.

queen-of-stuff-tech.jpg

  • Get me a wrist thing to measure how many calories I burn, how much I sleep, my heart rate etc – I haven’t even registered what this thing is called
  • Set up an e-shop (or 3) for me. I don’t mean design-wise; I mean the boring stuff like how to make payments & shipments
  • Or invest in an e-shop with me and take care of the business aspect of things
  • Get me through an incubator program (and make them take special care of me and help me execute all my ideas).

TRAVEL GIFTS

Last year has been travel-starved so travel gifts will be greatly appreciated in 2020. The choice is thankfully endless: I welcome any and all traveling experiences.

queen-of-stuff-travel.jpg

Prime examples include:

  • Weekend getaway in Croatia
  • 3-day shopping getaway to London (generous shopping allowance to be included). This one is going to have to be without you
  • Winter getaway somewhere warm and exotic. Fiji for example
  • St. Barts always sounded like a plan

But like I said, it is all nice – go on, book something here.

OTHER GIFTS

Want to play it mega-safe but abhor the idea of entering a cosmetics store? Or maybe, for reasons of your own, you want to have me thinking of you on a daily basis?
Go ahead and shop from this menu.

queen-of-stuff-other-gifts.jpg

Ample choice, from free to priceless:

  • Match-make me with the perfect guy
  • Make people stop posting “facebook, I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, photos etc.”
  • Pre-buy art from my upcoming exhibition. Join the list for starters
  • Any book by Key Books is a sure bet. My publishers’ tastes very much align with mine
  • Also any book by modern day business / motivational gurus (the Gary Vees of this world) will be received well
  • Cookbooks too. Anthony Bourdain is my latest obsession 
  • School of Life card games, Pillow Talk for example
  • Send me flowers
  • A course in ceramics
  • A Tumi suitcase – extended trip or maybe a bric 
  • The ring will remain on the list until I get it – end of story
  • Private (fitness) trainer for 6 months
  • Even better: Get me a star accountant, indefinitely
  • I think it is time I got a car again and this time I am thinking a small crossover SUV, namely this one (although I just read an unimpressed review in Top Gear. And another one on a trendy Greek website that had basically copied the Top Gear review word by word and added a few Greek colloquialisms for gusto)
  • Find me a 3.500 sq.m. space in the center of Athens, available to me for 10 days
  • Make my TV show happen for this season
  • Make the people I love happier. And more daring


END NOTE: (On a more serious note) while this is fun, I don’t really need the above. All I need is love. And some make-up items. And maybe the car. And definitely a holiday. And the facebook thing no doubt. Oh f*ck it – just remember to send me some good vibes on the 15th.

Your Queen 

 

 

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