A humble wish list
Much like everybody else you have a list of things you want to change. They have been stagnating for a while and they need to be taken care of. You fantasize you will tackle them now, during your grand exit.
The listings are relatively banal and at the same time of paramount importance.
It’s dozens of this & thats but it can be boiled down to 5 & 1 basic categories:
– Becoming a better person
– Redesigning your career
– Becoming body perfect
– Sorting out your finances
– Finding love
The & 1 is the most important of all: stop being miserable
But this one is not on the list anymore because you are already happy that you are gone. You left because you couldn’t breathe. Because you couldn’t stand watching everything collapse in front of you day by day. Because you got sick of your depressed friends, your hateful colleagues, your acidic facebook timeline. Sick of watching your inspiration, libido and will-power shrink to zero. Even writing this makes you flinch. But it is all fading memories now – or even better, just memories of fading memories. The distance has wiped it all clean. You can now breathe, your lungs are those of a non-smoker!
So you are off to a good start by tackling the biggie.
Now, and in no specific order, it is on to:
BECOMING A BETTER PERSON
To be precise, you mean becoming the best possible version of yourself. Both on a personal level and in relation to the world. Inside and out. This encompasses everything, from being nicer to toddlers to reading more critical essays and, frankly, the sub-list is never-ending. But it is not just about ticking things off. It is about evolving. An on-going quest you have been pursuing for a while now, to super-satisfactory results. And you want more of that.
REDESIGNING YOUR CAREER
Theoretically, your career is fine. Except it has started to bore you senseless, becoming less gratifying by the minute. You have chosen this career precisely because it excited you. You have sacrificed so much for it -from peace of mind & stability to a couple of weddings, and everything in between- that if you pull out you loose everything you have put in. But with the excitement gone you are tempted to let it go up in flames. In truth, the very concept of the word “career” is starting to sound ridiculous. You feel the need to try new things and new contexts. Surely you have other talents as well, or, a novel thought: maybe you don’t need to be talented all the time.
BECOMING BODY PERFECT
You have grown to hate your body and at the same time, paradoxically, doing nothing to address the situation. You are 45, rarely exercise, never say no to a late night burger & fries and live mostly on a chair, in front of a computer screen. Your main problem is the lack of incentive. You realize the incentive is you. And it doesn’t need to be perfect – not wanting to puke every time you look at yourself in the mirror will do nicely. You know it can happen, and fast, if you put in the effort, but exactly because of that you keep postponing it. Soon you’ ll have to put your money where your mouth is. The clock is ticking on this one.
SORTING OUT YOUR FINANCES
This feels like an intimidating one but, in truth, you think it is probably the easiest. Either way, you have to fix it. It doesn’t matter that you are in the middle of a global financial crisis. For the sake of all the holidays and all the beauty treatments and all the designer bags out there. And to make the life of others easier. And because it is pathetic. And there are literally so many ways to do it. Let’s compose ourselves here and think big.
Ideally, finding your soulmate. You turn a blind eye to the fact that you haven’t found him in the past 45 years. And to the fact that you thought you’d found him 5 or 6 times already but then it was all “oops”. You even turn a blind eye to the fact that you don’t believe in soulmates any more. You appreciate your own company more than anyone else’s. Still, you feel the need to share. You have to find the one. If not, at least find a good one in each city?
You don’t have a major plan on how to address all these and, clearly, there is some wishful thinking involved. You feel confident but at the same time a little on edge. You have taken your first steps but are you progressing fast enough? Are you attacking things head-on?
Does it even matter?
The lazy bastard inside you – the one you are trying to leave behind- is almost scared of a prospective success. The other self aims for the entire menu. Another voice will secretly be ecstatic if you tackle half of the goals, maybe even one third.
You want to settle the above and at the same time you want to feel comfortable being a fat, talentless, nobody who is just loved by an equally nobody someone, and they just cook meals and go on holidays and do stupid things together.
You think this could signify utter success.
You could say you are confused.
You are possibly a closet romantic.
Ideas on how to proceed are welcome 🙂